FSM Blogger

Yesterday (like every day before it) I found myself simply staring at Cade. He wasn't really doing anything in particular. In fact, I think he was sleeping. I wasn't worried about anything or concerned that he may stop breathing. I was just staring. And as I was staring I had a thought. "I can't believe you are here right now", I said out loud. It is still hard to believe that Cade has arrived. He is a miracle. Of course we are all miracles and I can't help but think that God must stare at us from time to time. Surely he feels the same love for me that I am feeling for Cade. That unconditional, supportive, passionate, future-looking, ready to see what we do next, type of love. It makes me think deeply about love and God and the miracle that I stare at every day. Just a thought.

I am reminded (these days) of a time back about 15 years ago when I used to work nights at a grocery store. From 1991-1994 I worked mostly the 10pm to 8 am shift as a stocker and grocery manager. It was a good job that paid well but left me pretty much tired all the time. I eventually settled into a good sleep pattern--meaning I could sleep anywhere, anytime, from 20 minutes to 10 hours. I actually remember one time when I stayed up 4 days then slept 22 hours to catch up.

I feel a lot like that now being a new dad. We just sleep when we can and take turns with the little guy who seems to be on his own schedule. But I am not complaining. I love every minute of it. Besides I am staying up for a much better reason than making sure we have enough tuna on the grocery shelves or seeing to it that the sack bins are full. I am sure that I will sleep some day but for now, I just stare at Cade and love him and sometimes remember the training I had staying up late getting ready for this time of life.

I like cool things. Stuff like a good book, good movie, good TV, TiVo, iPod, digital cameras, good websites, etc. But of course I may be the only one that likes that stuff and may be the only one that thinks that stuff is cool. Now there are other cool things too. Like watching your child smile for the first time, giving hiim a bath, watching your wife sleep after a long day, a sunset on the beach, the cripsness of autumn, the amazing Cherry Blossoms of spring, a fresh snow fall and the quietness that comes with it. Yea, I am getthing more emotional as I grow older and I think I am learning the difference between what is cool and what isn't. Or I guess you could say I am learning the difference between what is important and meaningful and what is not. Just a thought.

Well, I am a Dad! Cade was born last Saturday morning at 6:57 am (24 days early). He is awesome. I love being a Dad. I am becoming more and more emotional about it all as the days go by. I have not felt this Alive in so long. I know that God has truly blessed Mindy and I with our little man!! To quote friend, I am becoming more and more aware of what it means for God to be our Father and how he must feel to watch us, care for us, love us, lay down his life for us....That's life!

Well, after some thought and some reflection, I have decided that being loud can be a good thing—especially if you want people to hear you. For instance: I went to Oklahoma City, OK this weekend to surprise my brother Tony. He ran in his first marathon there. It was awesome. I got to the very end of the racecourse about 45 minutes before he got there so I could encourage him as he finished the race. As he came over the last hill, I saw how tired he was but he looked good for just running almost 26.2 miles. I began holding my hands up and jumping up and down but he didn't realize it was me. He saw my dad right off but since he wasn't expecting me, he was like "who is that guy jumping up and down". I started yelling and walked out in the middle of the street and then he finally clued in who I was. It was a moment I will never forget. He got the greatest smile on his face, we hugged and jumped up and down and yelled, he hugged dad, and we ran with him for a bit then went to meet him at the finish line. It was the completion of a plan I laid out several months before when I first learned he was running in the race. (forgive my emotions....)

You see Tony, just a year and half earlier, had come up to see Mindy and I during a time in our lives that has become a defining moment. We miscarried our first child and Mindy had to go to the hospital to make sure that everything was taken care of (the polite way of saying it). I will never forget sitting in the waiting room with my brother as we just sat in silence. I am usually a very talkative person but that day was different. We had been trying to have kids for over 4 years and thought our wait was finally over. It is that moment that I began to learn that being loud is more than just screaming and jumping up and down but it can be a presence or a touch or a smile or a look of empathy (not sympathy).

I will never forget that day. Nor will I ever forget the day I surprised my brother at the end of one of his defining moments. I looked forward to it for so long...as far back as a hospital waiting room.

So FSM has a spring retreat this weekend and I have been getting ready to say something theological and meaningful to everyone going. it has been hard to sift through my thoughts because there is so much I want to say. So as I am narrowing down the other day it hits me that God really does want us to pursue him with mad devotion and crazy anticipation. And if we do that we can't help but stick out from the crowd. But how loud and 'stick-out-ish' should we be? Should we be more vocal? Should our actions speak louder than our words? Does God favor good speakers/communicators over quiet humble hearts? Do you have to be vocal to madly pursue Christ? I think yes and no to all questions. What am I talking about? I say we should be vocal and active.

I have been really taken aback by American Idol's 'Give Back' program they launched this week. I think of it along the lines of 'Extreme Makeover Home Edition'. Over 70 million called in to vote and over 65 million dollars has been raised to benefit the ONE.org (among other things). Let me throw that back out--over $65 million!!! That's not a church sponsored event. That is News Corp, Fox, ONE.org, and others joining together and doing what they can to help kids, adults, lost, homeless, needy, poor, people in some of the poorest parts of our WORLD!! They are doing something!! Mean while I am struggling with what to SAY to people about madly and wildly following the Creator of the Universe. I am not sure I know how to tell people how to do that. But think I can point to places that God is actually working (even if those that he is working through are not regular 'church' folks).

Jesus seemed more interested in helping the poor, homeless, down and out, helpless and the like than he did making sure we have the right color walls in our buildings or enough pizza at our next function. Jesus' call is the same 2000 years ago as today:
Go, Disciple, Baptize, Teach, Follow Me, Serve, Love, and Worship. How many of those do we do really well? Or, how many of those do we see as the most important thing to the detriment of the rest?

How loud are we? I guess we answer that question by first asking ourselves, how loud is God screaming at us? How loud is God in our lives? How much does he have to do to show us that whether we unite behind Him or not, his Will, will be done here on earth?

How loud indeed.

I have always been a rythmic person. It is hard for me to sit and relax for very long (without any distractions like TV, movies, music). Can you do it? I mean really just sit in some place where you will be alone and it is very quiet and you can actually hear your thoughts. Give it a try and tell me how it goes. I bet you can't do it for very long at first or without falling asleep. More to come...